I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
