A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
