you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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