i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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