I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
