It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
