Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
