what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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