I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
