Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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