we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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