Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
