But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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