Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
