We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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