Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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