non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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