There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
