is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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