do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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