I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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