Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
