i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
