life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need a burrito and a hug.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
