I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
