Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
