Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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