I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize