everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
