I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
