All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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