so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
