Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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