I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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