I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
