she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Let's get the cat blown out
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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