There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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