Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
