I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
