And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
