He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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