It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
