apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
