After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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