so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
