i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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