Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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