This girl is more easily done than said...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
