First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
is it fun? or sober?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
