Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
