this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
