I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
