I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
