So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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