guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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