I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
