I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
