then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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