My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
