i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
