hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
