what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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