I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
