apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
