The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You made out with two different species that night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
