you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
