You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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