what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
