Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
