just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
