my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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