Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm both gender and math confused
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
