i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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