tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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