You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
