i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
