Don't you send me to vm
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
do nipples grow back?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
