Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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