This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
