how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
