Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
