is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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