Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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