hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
