dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Life is so much better after having sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
