you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
