i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
