just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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