I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
