i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
